Why I Love Teenagers
There are two stages of a child’s life that parents seem to universally dread: the “terrible twos”, and then all the teenage years combined.
On some level, I get it. Both stages can involve a lot of conflict. And sometimes screaming. Screaming isn’t fun. I don’t like screaming.
I used to be a high school teacher. And when I would talk to other adults, especially parents, they’d often say, “Oh, I could never teach teenagers. Maybe elementary school, but not what you do!”
That comment always makes me a little sad, because I know these well-meaning adults are missing out. Their time with the teens in their lives could be some of the most rewarding work they ever do!
Here’s why I love teenagers, and look forward to working with them every day.
1. They ask good questions
One of my favorite things about teenagers is the way they’re examining the world around them and asking interesting, critical questions. Younger kids go through life somewhat oblivious to the workings of life, focused primarily on their own needs and whatever’s happening right in front of them. But once your child hits the teenage years, they turn into little philosophers. They question everything and everyone–including you.
These questions are usually based in curiosity, not judgment. So there’s nothing to be afraid of here. In fact, an honest question is an open door to an incredible teaching moment. Your teenager is telling you they’re ready to learn, and they’ll take seriously whatever you have to say. What a gift!
(Now if their questions do come across as mildly judgmental, my strategy is to respond as if they were being earnest. Usually, they’ll start to match my tone and it will lead to a more open conversation.)
Often, a teenager’s question forces me to examine my own opinions more carefully. As a result, I become a better teacher and act more consistently with my values.
I love all of it. I love the teenager’s open mind, the opportunity to teach them, and the sharpening of my own thoughts in the process.
2. They’re practicing their independence
The teenage years are when God gives our young people a spirit of independence. This includes independence of thought, action, and spirit. They’re figuring out who they are apart from their parents and preparing to stand on their own two feet in the world. I find this process so rewarding to be a part of!
During this formative time, if you extend your trust to your teenager, they’ll often (though not always) take it seriously and rise to meet your expectations. Can they make their own schedule? Maybe. Let them try! Can they fix their own creaky door? Perhaps. See what happens! They still need guidance, guard rails, and of course, a task that matches their current abilities. But with those things, they’ll thrive in increasingly independent situations, especially when they know, if they need help, they have a safe place to land.
Teenagers go through the process of looking at all the tools and teachings adults have given them, testing them on their own terms, and finding which ones are good. I love watching them weigh my advice, try it out, and come back saying it worked. And if it didn’t work, then both of us learned something!
The more they make their own decisions and solve their own problems, the more they build confidence. And a young person with well-placed confidence is a beacon of light shining towards a bright future.
3. They are full of joy
A common stereotype about teenagers is that they’re moody, grumpy, teary, and hormonal. In my experience, this is not just a stereotype: it’s true. (And that can be tough for everyone.) But that extreme emotional capacity means that even though the lows are really low, the highs are really high!
Teenagers are so goofy. They play silly pranks on each other, they have endless inside jokes, and they laugh at the most random things. And thankfully for us, they love it when adults join in and show their silly side.
There is no joy more precious, in my opinion, than a group of teenagers being so silly together that they’re laughing so hard they can’t breathe. Sure, a baby’s laugh is super adorable. But those teenagers, unlike the baby, have been through a lot of hard life events already. And despite that, they can still find those places of extreme joy. The baby laughs in innocence, but the teenager laughs in freedom from our dark world.
I love joining teenagers in their goofiness. Adults tend to take things so seriously, but teenagers remind us that the world is full of silly things.
4. They respond SO WELL to anyone who cares about them
Of all the age groups I’ve worked with, it’s teenagers who, when you love them, give you the most love back.
This is a tricky one because I know of a lot of adults who do honestly care about the teens in their lives, but their teens don’t show them much love.
The key here is twofold.
First, as the adult, you have to care about your teenager above and beyond caring about yourself.
Second, you have to take your teenager seriously.
Let’s say you’re writing a work email when your teenager walks in the room and tells you they have something important they want to ask you about.
First, prioritize them if at all possible. If it was important enough to interrupt you, the email can probably wait.
Second, when they tell you that the really important thing they had to ask you about RIGHT NOW is something that you find trivial… keep that opinion to yourself and take their problem as seriously as they do.
If you’re able to do these two things–care about them and take them seriously–you will build an iron foundation for your relationship with your teen, because your teen will trust you with their feelings. And teenagers have some BIG feelings, so trusting you with them is a BIG deal.
Once they trust you, you’ll start receiving more outward signs of their love. They might start helping with things before you ask them to. Or they might surprise you with something for your birthday. Sometimes these signs of love come during the teenage years, and sometimes they come later, when they grow up a bit and realize what your care meant to them.
I think one reason teenagers love the caring adults in their life so fiercely, is that so many adults dismiss them. Us caring adults are, unfortunately, rare. And that makes a teenager’s capacity for love and loyalty to the people they trust basically unmatched.
I’m incredibly blessed to have experienced an outpouring of love from the teenagers I’ve worked with. It’s an amazing feeling, it’s not something I deserve, and I hope I can help more adults experience it.
In Conclusion
If you’re struggling with getting through the teenage years, or if they’re coming up and you’re not sure you’re ready for it, I hope this little list has given you some things to look forward to.
Being an adult in a teenager’s life is all about letting them ride the waves. Remind them to come up onto the beach to reapply sunscreen every once in a while, and get them some food, and make them drink plenty of water. But don’t be afraid of the ups and downs they’ll experience, and don’t take any of their low points personally. It’s all part of the journey.
Teenagers are awesome. Trust me. I’ve worked with a lot of them, and I keep going back!